Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
