dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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