biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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