You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
