Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
