Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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