I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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