Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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