I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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