It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
