I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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