So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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