Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
