yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
