K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
