It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
