You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
