he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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