I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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