I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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