Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Its about making memories worth repressing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
