I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
