What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
