Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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