I wish I could teleport
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
