Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would ride that face into the sunset
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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