It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
