fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
