I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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