ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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