You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize