i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
