My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
