Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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