am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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