I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
