i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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