I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Soap is not a condiment
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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