this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize