ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
