I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
