My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
