oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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