Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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