i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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