i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
