we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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