I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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