Define "chronic" masturbator.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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