You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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