hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
