If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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