she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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