I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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