Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
