Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
