Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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