went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Even my vagina gasped.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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