woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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