Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
