why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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