I wish you could order shots online.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
