He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
