Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
