I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
