Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
