fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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