yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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