i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
