you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
