At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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