Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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