WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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