On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
