Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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