I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize